ABCs for Self-Talk Mastery

This exercise is about learning how to catch regret-based self-talk, the “I should have,” “I must have,” or “I always” thoughts, and quickly turn them into facts, values, and choices you can use in the next possession, sprint, or quarter. 

Many athletes spiral after a mistake and self-talk takes them to a negative place, but in reality we control the narrative by what we tell ourselves about the mistake. This approach is grounded in Albert Ellis’ Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model, which reminds us that events do not cause our emotions, our beliefs about those events do.

I’d like you to think of a recent moment in life or your sport where something didn’t go the way you wanted. It might have been:

• a missed shot

• a defensive breakdown

• a moment of hesitation or miscommunication

Complete this sentence: “I should have…,” “I must have…,” or “I always…” Pay attention to the language you’re using with yourself. This is not the event itself; this is the belief you formed about the event.

Now let’s break that moment down using the ABC model. A is the Activating Event. Describe what actually happened as if a camera were recording it—no judgment, no interpretation, just facts. B is the Belief. This is the story you told yourself about the event, often containing words like:

• Should

• Must

• Always

• Never

C is the Consequence. Notice what followed emotionally and physically:

• tension in the body

• disappointment and negativity

• rushing or forcing the next play

• hesitation or pulling away from teammates

The key point here is that the mistake didn’t cause those reactions—the belief did.

Next, we challenge the belief by asking three quick questions.

• Is this a fact or a judgment? Statements like “I should have known better” feel convincing, but they are usually judgments made in hindsight, not facts.

• Does this belief help me play in alignment with my values? Think about values such as teamwork, courage, presence, growth, or trust. Would this belief support the version of you who wants to play from those values?

• What is a more accurate replacement thought? Not necessarily a positive one—an accurate, usable one. For example, replacing “I always mess up” with “I made the best decision with the information I had,” or “I let everyone down” with “I stayed aggressive and will adjust next time.” To reinforce this, speak to yourself in a coaching voice rather than a critical one: You stayed aggressive and will adjust next time. Research shows that this subtle shift helps interrupt negative self-talk more quickly and supports more adaptive neural patterns over time.

Now we focus on the new effect by creating a values-based reset. Use this sentence stem: 

“Because you value ________, you choose ________.” 

This might sound like, “Because you value courage, you choose an attack-mindset,” or “Because you value teamwork, you choose good communication,” or “Because you value the team, you choose collaboration.” This is how we move from regret to agency in real time.

It can also be as simple as transforming, “I am not enough,” to “You got this. You are enough.” Start small, practice big, and the transformation in your self-talk will happen.

This is how elite athletes stay present—not by avoiding mistakes, but by refusing to argue with the past.