We Are Quite Free
I have already settled it for myself so flattery and criticism go down the same drain and I am quite free. -Georgia O’Keeffe
Those words from Georgia O’Keeffe found me at just the right moment. I wasn’t looking for them. I didn’t even know I needed them. But like a cool drink of water on a day so hot you don’t realize how parched you are until your sips become gulps, this quote refreshed something in me that had been quietly wounded.
I’d been ruminating over a friend’s offhand but stinging comment: “It’s your own stupid fault for being so busy.” On paper, it might not seem like much, but in that moment, it landed like a freight train. What I heard wasn’t a casual observation or a light jab—it was an indictment. Echoing in my mind was, You’re stupid for being so busy. It’s selfish to work on your PhD at 45 when your kids need you, and you’re already working two full-time jobs.
It was brutal because it came from someone I deeply respected—someone I thought understood the why behind my life and the temporary busyness of it. Yes, I’m working two jobs. Yes, I’m taking three night classes to finish my PhD. Yes, it’s a lot. But every piece of it is intentional. Every late night and early morning serves a purpose. Not to mention, graduate education has been a key to my 3.5 years of sobriety. It’s also a path to a future where I no longer need to work two jobs to live the life I envision. To have someone who’d been part of that journey dismiss my current choices as dumb was devastating.
My brain was looping, replaying her words until they cut deeper with each unproductive replay. That’s when O’Keeffe’s words appeared, quietly cutting through the noise. The line about flattery and criticism flowing down the same drain felt like a tool placed directly between my ears—a way to reclaim my own story. I realized that as long as I let myself be swayed by either praise or harsh words, I was handing over my power. If I could learn to release it all—good or bad—those words would lose their grip. By standing firm on a foundation I had already settled, I could be free.
Not just free, but—as O’Keeffe said—quite free. I believe she chose that word deliberately. To be “quite” free is to be entirely free—absolutely, completely. In this context, it means free to trust my choices. Free to believe in my purpose. Free to stand confident in the life I know I’m meant to live, regardless of others’ opinions or praise. O’Keeffe’s words are more than a shield; they’re a compass—a way to navigate the world with clarity and conviction, reminding us of the freedom that comes when we stop letting the world’s noise define us.
This idea didn’t just help me in the moment—it became a lens for my work. My dissertation research now centers on values-based decision-making as a method for releasing external validation and fostering intrinsic motivation for sustainable resilience. I even created a visual to show the evidence I’ve gathered so far.
This Substack is part of that journey—a space to explore how we become more grounded, and quite free, when we understand what truly drives us rather than chasing the shifting approval of others.
For me, this work is about balancing the confidence to stand tall in our choices with the humility to keep learning. It’s about settling some things, yes—but also leaving room for wonder. Because maybe freedom isn’t a final destination. Perhaps it’s a lifelong practice of finding the courage to hold both conviction and openness at the same time.
As for my friend’s comment, I came to see it as a mirror. It reflected a place in me that still needed healing. I forgave her, understanding it was a superficial observation, not an intent to wound. My reaction taught me where I was still vulnerable, and through questioning, gratitude, and forgiveness, I began to loosen that grip.
That is, perhaps, the most valid form of being quite free—not living untouched by the world, but unbound by it.
